From the sadly ineffectual way he was waving his bread knife at me, I definitely had the sense that this lumpyheaded individual hadn't robbed a lot of stores. In fact, I definitely had the feeling that mine was his first. I didn't want to test just how desperate he was, however, so I followed his directions calmly.
I think he was just as surprised as I was that he was managing to get away with it. I kept waiting for someone to walk in, for one of the regulars to show up for their usual pack of smokes and a porno rental---but no, luck was on this guy's side that night.
Once he had all my money, he was ready to leave, unti he set eyes on the lottery tickets. "Gimme all the tickets! All of them!" He screamed, definitely getting the hang of this robbery business. So I dutifully handed him all the tickets, smirking to myself as I did so.
In truth, I hated this job, and I hated my boss even worse. I found myself slightly amused at the fact that the store was being robbed.
Once again, his eyes lighted upon something else he wanted. Did he dare? I could see him debating with himself as he stood there, uncertain as to whether or not he should take the chance. Waving his bread knife over his head anew, he hollered with fresh vigour,
"Give me all the DuMaurier King size cigarettes!!!"
"Just the DuMaurier?" I asked, knowing that once someone had themselves hooked on a certain type and brand nothing else would do.
"YES! DuMaurier KING SIZE.!!!"
I looked at the shelf behind me, my eyes scanning up and down over the brightly coloured packaging. We were due for a new cigarette shipment the next day, so I shrugged and said,
"We've only got regular, is that ok?"
"No King size?"
I shook my head no.
"Aaah fuck. Ok, regular then. BUT PUT THEM IN A BAG!!!"
So I reached under the counter for a bag. My boss had a tendency to buy cheap, and I was having a heck of a time finding a bag that wasn't sealed shut or that had a gaping hole in it. This is when the robber started getting nervous, he started to scream and wave his knife again demanding that I hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!! And then that I put it in the bag, put it in the bag, put it in the bag!!!
I stopped what I was doing, looked the guy straight in the eye and said to him, "If you want these fucking things so bad, you're going to have to fucking wait because while I'm trying to hurry up, I can't seem to find a good bag for you, asshole."
He looked a bit hurt for a second, eyes downcast and said, "Sorry lady."
"S'okay." I muttered as I stuffed whatever cigarettes I could into a bag.
He ran off into the night, leaving me alone to dial 911. And that was my favourite robbery experience.
